Reply Letter to Brenda, my Godsent, Friend

REPLY TO BRENDA:


Brenda,

something is happening to me right now -- well, actually, since yesterday morning.

i think your prayers and everyone else's prayers, are being Heard.

i feel so empowered these last couple days.
Like i feel God's breath in my lungs, His Hands on my shoulders, and I feel so HUMBLED by it all.

I am so so so HUMBLED.

i had forgotten this feeling -- the feeling of God being closeby.
Well, i know its not that God was gone before, but I had closed my ears and heart.

Oh wow, I had thought I'd never ever feel the Holy Spirit again.
i know some people would say that my psychological state is finding a coping
mechanism to deal with my pain. BUT MY TRUE SELF IS SELF-DESTRUCTIVE, SELF-HATING, NEGATIVE, AND BLIND.
This is not me.

Brenda, I know there are still a lot of rough times ahead, and the enemy will try to attack me, but i claim Victory.

Thank you so much, Brenda. Every time you send me a letter, I read it, reread it, and reread it.

Today George came to try to hurt me (bootie call).

My old "victim" self laid down with tears and lust, thinking, this was my wifely duty and it showed my devotion.

I still love him and wanted him to stay connected to me.

I surrendered my body and heart with love and ecstacy, but afterward, I felt empowered. I can't explain it. Like, I am now healing and his continued sickness (alcoholism/adultery) just made me so sad for him. It's hard to see your mother dying on her deathbed, so slowly and painfully.

But then another light bulb went on -- Hello? Giving a bootie call to a man who had abandoned and betrayed me and the kids? What kind of a woman would do that?

I tried to justify it before , thinking that he still had love for me and that God would hear my prayers and heal him and bring him back to me healed.
(I just don't want him back any other way.)

But I told him the truest words in my heart -- it hurt to say them, but I said that
this is now over.

I will not stop praying for Jorge. He is still my husband. And I know when the time is right, God will release me. I am starting to feel this gradual release already taking place.


It has only been 33 days since he left, but it has been a long giant painful and blessed journey.

Thank you again, Brenda.



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To: chasemice@myspace.com
From: Brenda



Denise,
I am in front of my computer thinking of words that might comfort you. I feel so much pain for you. I don't want you or your children to hurt or suffer. If you are okay your children will be okay. You are all they need and they are all you need.

This is a deep dark valley you are going through. You are going to learn so much through this experience. God is trying to show you his will for your life. Just obey him Denise even if it seems unreasonable. He will reward your faith. Most of his will for your life is laid out for you in the bible.

I remember Sam didn't look for the kids for about a year and a half. Samantha was so sad. She would wait by the window. The very fiber of my being hurt. I began to build her up by praying with her and reading bible stories. I would tell her who she does have. I would tell her you have me, your brother, grandma, grandpa, and Jesus. That is all you need and we all love you so very much. I would tell her this daily. I would tell her how much we all loved her.

Don't feel that you were a bad mother in the past. Reality is that when women have a man they pay less attention to their children as did I. After Sam left I spent so much more time with my children. Quality time. We became closer and happier. The void Sam left disappeared.

We all make mistakes and sin. God has forgiven you and he remembers them no more. Why should you remember them. Your sins are as far as the east is from the west. They are at the bottom of the deepest ocean. Stop trying to drag them along like chains tied to your feet. The devil loves to bring up the past and tell us how much we messed up. He wants you to feel like a failure. Don't look back any more.

Sometimes we have to step away from a situation and hand it over to God. That means let God deal with Jorge. He will in his time. Jorge is not happy and he never will be as long as he is hurting others and living in sin.

If there is another woman I feel sorry for her. All she is going to get is the is same corrupt person who will do the same to her. She is also messing with a married man therein committing adultery. They will reap what they sow. Jorge is going to have to face the consequences for all he has done.

We can't control Jorge. Let God deal with him. Take care of yourself and your children. Your life isn't over sweet potato. Don't let this man or his absence break you down.

If Jorge wants to allow the devil to mop the floor with him so be it. Don't you give him any room to harm you or your children. Denise God will start to fill the holes in your heart. You will have true peace and joy that comes from God not another human being.

Denise, I don't know what God is doing in your life, but he is doing something. He is working this very minute. He has not forgotten you. I will continue to pray for you and your children. I will also pray that God convict Jorge and turn him around. The bible says that if two or more agree in his name...


I am here for you 24/7. It doesn't matter if I work or not. God wants us to carry one another's burdens. I will do whatever I can for you. Rest Denise. Give your heart and mind rest. Close your eyes and meditate on God, his promises, and his eternal love for you. He has felt what you are feeling. He knows your pain. Good night. Be strong in the Lord and the power of his might put on the whole armor of God that you may be able to stand.

Love,
Brenda



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