My own Sins

I didn't listen to him.

He tried to tell me so many times, that he couldn't take the burden.

I didn't listen to him.

I have been pointing out the speck in his eye, while I had the board in my own eye.

I disrespected him so much, and thought my ugly behavior was justified because I hated
the drinking. I became almost hateful.

But this man has been there so much for me.
And so much for kids that weren't even his.

It's incredible to think back at how much he was there for us.
He really loved my children.

And he grew pain when my kids started disrespecting him.
1. My ex-husband poisoned them. (I saw the texts with my own eyes.)

2. I burdened G with all the discipline and care-taking while I worked.
And I should of gotten up earlier, I should of shopped for food, I should of cooked.

3. My kids witnessed my disrespect my husband.

4. I read that in stepfamilies, the natural parent should be in charge of the discipline!!!!

I was so weak and demanded that he be a pillar.
I was supposed to be the FEMALE pillar.

I know some may think that I am being a pushover to list my sins when he did his own in the end. But I am wise enough to see the big picture.
I see how everything happened the way it did, because G had been TRYING AND TRYING AND TRYING TO GET ME TO LISTEN!!!!!! HE WROTE ME EMAILS ......HE'D TRIED TALKING TO ME -- i just interrupted and had attitude.

Oh husband, I am so sorry.
I am so sorry.
I am your faithful wife and will keep praying that God' keeps opening my eyes.
He is doing that!!
Keep away from me longer,my husband, so God deals with me.
Keep away from me longer, so I keep "manning" up the way I have been.
My kids prosper now, not because you are gone, but because I am manning up and being the FEMALE PILLAR.
And even though I mourn you, my husband, I am starting to feel so good about myself and my new wisdom.

Keep away, while I get my body healthy.
keep away, while I teach my children. I tell them how good you were.
Keep away, while I go back, happily, to my goals... the ones I threw away.
Keep away, while I sleep with your child-photo, and cry about all the harsh words I said to you.

Keep away , while I become a pillar.
And you will come back and I will respect my husband and I will never leave
Christ's teachings again.


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