Joy

He came to me, Sat night, and called me "baby" about seven times. I hadn't heard him call me 'baby' since summer of 2010. He just went on and on about how he was suffering and that he was so sorry. I am speechless and unprepared. I don't ever want him to think I want any power-position, so I rebuttled with my own apology, which maybe was or wasn't a mistake. He is always this very proud person, rarely showing weakness, and I saw him so humble and soft. He told me that he wasn't normally an angry person, but that he had lost himself in that anger, and he never meant to take it out on me -- the whole "all woman are crazy..." thing. We talked out needs and both of us kept telling each other , how much pain we suffered, during those six days. When he left, all I could do was just give thanks over and over.

I am glad I stood up for what I feel. I will not settle nor compromise, I am who I am, and I need what I need. I hope , maybe, he gained a new sense of respect for me. I do, feel naked, however. Hard to explain. But I am gonna roll with it, be myself , and if I feel love for him, I am going not going to hold back anymore. He can take it or leave it.