I remember I started using the internet with AOL 3.0 and used it for a few years until I got a cable connection. What an annoying program, lol. George admitted to me that when him and his brothers got online in 1995, they didn't even know you could create seperate screennames. They were all sharing one name for who knows how long.

What does one do when they have to "do business" with someone they truly can't stand? I have this problem, and I try so hard to overlook things, and I swear that I am not bias. This person is contantly in my life, causing problems, causing bad feelings, and

Alice Walker's Possessing the Secret of Joy was hard to put down, and just left me so pissed off and sad. I was talking about that book with someone at the hospital and they had the audacity to compare the U.S. male circumcision with female circumcision.

STFU. The parallel version of that would be if they removed the entire penis.

Why do they mutilate these women?

1. To prevent that they may have sexual desire and then go haywire like nymphomaniacs

2. To increase the pleasure for the husband (don't ask)

But if you ask them, its for "tradition."
Sorry, I respect different cultures and all, but when it's about a 3 year old little girl screaming her head off as they tear off her labia, remove her clitoris, and sew up so well that her future her husband will have to use a knife on their wedding night -- Well, I draw the line at "respecting other's cultures."

The Vagina Dialogues

denise: hey what u gonna be for halloween?
denise: lets dress up this year!

quiettnt: yeah..
quiettnt: I always do

denise: here's my costume for this year (see pic)
denise: help me make it!

quiettnt: WHAT THE FUCKITY FUCK FUCK!!!
quiettnt: NOOOOO
quiettnt: is that a pad and a tampon???

denise: lol
denise: both
quiettnt: yucckkkk!!!!!

denise: its natural!

quiettnt: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO
quiettnt: shocked and apalled

denise: I am going to wear this costume and when people gross out , I will reply '" ITS NATURAL!! NOTHING TO BE ASHAMED OF!!"

quiettnt: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

denise: "Hey, I celebrate my period!!!"
denise: thats what i will say

quiettnt: OVER MY DEAD GORGEOUS BODY!!!

denise: okay how about we go as a team-costume?

quiettnt: ok

denise: you dress up as a vagina, and I will be a tampon!

quiettnt: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

denise: oh man, I am almost peeing from laughter
denise: im laughing at your reaction

quiettnt: WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU??

denise: LOL

quiettnt: no u wont wear it!!!! period!!!
quiettnt: LOL
quiettnt: period.. get it?

denise: lol ... you made a PUN!!

quiettnt: that is disgusting

denise: you are bloody witty!!! (ooh another pun!!)

Movie Line

There's a 70s movie line that says, "Love means never having to say you are sorry."

Before today, I was like, "Uh...ok, yeah sure."
But now I get it!

The ICU of the hopital doesn't provide guest anything but a hard, ugly chair in where I try to balance myself on. I couldn't leave my husband's side because I feel horrible anywhere else.

I've been a super-tough-postive bitch to George, and I hope he understands me -- it's kind of like tough-love stuff.

George starts this conversation before they pierce his chest with a main-line:

"Baby, in case I don't make it, I just want you to know that I am sorry for all the times that I was an asshole..."

I reply, "Shutup, don't you even go there, you don't even need to apologize...stop it!"

Now I really get the meaning of that movie line.
I really do.

Why Am I With Who I Am With Now, and Why I Was with With Who I Was With Before

Sorry, that was a ridiculous title, and I refuse to bother with editing today.

I was thinking about that law of attraction deal (no, I am not New Age or the like, but some of this "philosophy" is just good 'ole plain mental health and common sense). And what came to mind was how it could be applied to my realtionship choices.

What on earth was I thinking when I thought that the best thing for me was to sacrifice "my wants" with "what I thought was right." Basically, what I wanted was already assumed to be screwed-up, so just follow these rules: What counts is having someone who will just take care of everything, be a father to my kid, and to get as near to Leave-It-To-Beaver.

Don't get me wrong. I wanted to love. I wanted to please him and be ever so submissive in every department of wifehood. Perhaps the first 6-7 years, at least -- then the last 2-3, I unraveled into something else. And the last one I am blaming is my ex-husband.

I just see now, that I was in the time of my life where I was being super traditional and needing another "half" to myself. I wanted something so bad, that I took the first thing that came by and I became the little dog to my Alpha. I think the Alpha just really wanted a female, a sex-partner, and was willing to try to all the roles in the same way.

I think while I was with The Ex, I started secretly wishing. 0

Phobias are crazy. I don't think I have any, except climbing down stadium bleachers

Mr.Naked Santa Claus Biker Man

Please forgive me if I am twisting up your sweet image of Santa when I tell the story of a strange exhibitionist who lived in my old neighborhood. Many mornings, I would wait for Claudia at a corner so that we could walk to middle school together.

But don't think that we were traumatized or shocked at what we saw, because we were way beyond our years (Were we?). What might have made other little girls feel sick and violated only gave us more twisted material to laugh our asses off to.

Mr. Naked-Santa-Claus-Biker-Man was a weirdo who we got to see naked on a couple occassions as we passed by this ugly lot with tall yellow grass. There was an old rock house that was probably built in the 1930s -- it stuck out like a sore thumb with all the newer houses around it. Mr. Naked would come out to do a morning stretch, show his hairy armpits, scratch his butt, and show the world his big, white, giant fat belly.

We never reported him because we had better things to do. (Actually, we didn't, but we thought we did.) Although, we were grateful for fact that his overhanging belly covered his little pride and joy.

The Spring of 2008

Not the greatest writer, but I've decided to take a simple spin on it again in a fresh setting. I have no style, experience or talent, but people do karaoke even if they sing like shit. (And yes, I also sing like shit.) My old journal is not dead (Livejournal.com), but somehow I wanted a new start.

Who is my audience? Someone on the net who is really bored or someone who knows me in real life, I suppose. Life here in El Paso, TX has been the only one I've known with limited traveling. Which brings to mind, my most exotic travel as a child when I got to visit Mexico City and the Aztec pyramids. And, I also really cherish when I went with my husband to throw his beloved's father's ashes in the fields of Sonora. The bittersweet vision of how all of his family wept as they watched the airplane in the sky.

I wish I had gotten to known my father-in-law longer, especially when I hear about how much he and my husband are so alike in many ways.