"I Might Be Wrong"

Sunday. Cowboys won. Worried. Bored. Cleaning house. Listening to : "I Might be Wrong" by Radiohead (that song kicks ass) Okay, Lost my job. But I am not worried about that. I have a sense of calm about that one. I guess it's because I know that it wasn't my fault and unemployment benefits kicked in right away. I am getting a good amount to keep my head above water. I hope I get a job soon but I am scared about what kind of job I will end up with. I don't want to do sales in a call center. I like to help customers but I HATE sales. HATE. My kids are doing great. I can't complain there. I am so proud of all three of them. All doing well in school and Serge is doing great at work. He has good work ethics (like his momma!). Hector (Mr. Hot -Cold-Hot-Cold) still remains a constant in my life. August was so nice. He invited me out to dinner, and he invited me and the kids out to dinner and he made us a couple barbeques. And on my birthday, he dropped off like $100 worth of meat with my son (I was not home) so we could marinate it. Then the next day (8/14) , we had an awesome barbeque. We had such a good time, BBQ, music, beer, karaoke (lol) and I am grateful. His birthday is on Tuesday. I want to do something cool too -- maybe all of us go for Chinese. But I miss him. I want more. One day a week (occasionally two) doesn't quench my longing to spend time with him. I don't understand his obvious attachment to me, calls me almost everyday again, and obvious male-female tension that he creates. I tell myself that I should be happy to have someone , sometimes, for a few laughs, rants, and raves. I created the rules. Platonic, no hanky panky and he respects that. We are man and woman, when we hang out. I am not imagining that. I know he cares deeply. And he pisses me off when he sings and during certain lyrics, he gets louder and sings them to me. (" Baby, I'm no good for you...") I read a quote the other day and it hurt when I read it. "Waiting is painful. Forgetting is painful. But not knowing which to do is the worst kind of suffering." -- Paulo Coelho But I refuse to show it. I will not make that mistake again. I just got to not focus on this but focus on my family, my friends, and my goals. I want to forget him (love) , but I want to keep him (friends)....