Already 2011.

I have been a roller coaster.

I just stop in the middle of it all and say, "What am I doing?"

Life has offered a lot of contentment. My children have come a long way.
I have earned their respect, seeing me struggle, and managing to be the strong
Mother Bird. I get help from family, like my ex-in-laws help with Saturday morning rides, because Amanda and Derek go to the Young Marine meetings. I come home and Sergio had done dishes all on his own -- he is growing up and healing. I don't see that anger he had anymore. And conflicts are less and happy times are more in the home. More laughter, music, and we enjoy our dog and fight over who she gets to sleep with (me, included, haha).

Do I think of my soon-to-be-ex-husband? Yes. I had been okay for many months, and something happened to me in February. I realize though, that my pain isn't really from missing the good-times of the past, but fear of not having what i want in the future. In late January,