It's March -- Doing Better.

It's been about three months since I last posted.

Oh Lord, it has been such a journey ... a tunnel ... indescribable pain.
But I see the light now.
I have gotten on my knees every night, many mornings, and as I walk around the building during my lunch hour. I read my bible, and I listen to CDs when I drive the car.

And I am experiencing the Lord's comfort, wisdom, and strength.
I know I had to go through the horrible pain. I never knew such pain existed.
I didn't know people went through this when they are separated/divorced.
Well, no duh,its like your other half has been ripped apart.

I know that in December I was very "forgive but never forget," and then in January, I went through this "Have enough faith and your husband will open his eyes and come back."

But in February, I started hearing God more clearly.
He said to me, "Don't worry about the future. I have plans for you and they are good. It doesn't matter what the future holds, just trust in Me. Let it all go."

And when I pray, I pray for Jorge. I don't pray to get him back, though, I only pray for God's Will because He knows what is best. And when I pray for Jorge, I pray that God heals him of his emotional pain and alcoholism. I pray that God sends a spiritual mentor to help him. I still love my husband very much, and he says he plans to divorce me, and I am accepting of that. Things are going to come together for me, and I trust God. If God opens Jorge's eyes, I will know, without doubt, it is God's Will. If my husband never returns, I will accept that, and I will be excited about my future ... and know that God has good things lined up for me.

So I still shed tears every so often, but it's not that horrible, torturous, emotional pain I was feeling for so long. I am not out of the wilderness completely, but i know that it is part of a grieving process that I cannot get around. But God is my rock, and I praise Him and give Him all the honor and glory for my sudden state of my mind -- a relief from that horrible pain. God heard my cries and pain and gave me the right mindset, because I was going mad with my negative thoughts.

God, I miss my husband. But the thing is, Jorge has free will. And if he rejects the things that God will be sending his way (as a result of my prayers), then He has made his bed and will lie on it. He will reap what he sows. And that makes me so sad.


What has also helped me are these "Divorce Care" emails that I get sent daily.

Here is a sample of one of them:
Daily Choices
Day 18

"Pain can drive you to a sense of hopelessness and despair or it can drive you to God. It's your choice," says Jan Northington.

"When you are in the midst of a situation like separation or divorce, you tend to think there are few choices available to you. In reality there are a million choices available to you, and the choices you make will ultimately be those that have an effect on both your immediate and your future actions."

Think about decisions you have already made that are positive. One positive action you have chosen is to search for comfort and answers through this book. Perhaps you have gone to church, talked to a wise friend or counselor, prayed, or started reading the Bible. Each day you make choices about work, finances, transportation, food, and your children. You choose what type of attitude to have as new situations arise. You choose whether or not to lash out at someone when you are angry.

Some days the choices you make may seem too small to make a difference. But if you change your course only a few compass degrees, the longer you move in that direction, the more you will see the impact of that decision.

Many times you make wrong choices, and that can bring you down. At the same time, though, you are making right choices, and they will have a positive effect. God knows your motivations, and He knows your heart. Pray today that You will make God-pleasing choices, decisions that bring you closer to Him.

"Why don't you choose to be led by the Spirit?" (Galatians 5:18 Msg).

Holy Spirit, lead me on the path that leads to life, peace, and hope. I pray that today I will make choices that are pleasing to You. Amen.



Suggested reading from the DivorceCare HelpCenter

Separated and Waiting
Jan Northington


Waiting to be reconciled or divorced can bring confusion, despair, and hopelessness. Whether you've been separated for a short while or a long time, Separated and Waiting offers the motivation and understanding you need to bring wholeness back into your life—despite the uncertainty of the future of your marriage.

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If you found my blog and are going through same, here is the site to sign up for these: http://www.divorcecare.org/dailyemails/tellafriend/